Confession

Cold night- Mom just called as a sign of she safely arrived. She went for vacation these two weeks made me have sufficient time to think what's really going on with me. Unfortunately, all the dilemmas I have couldn't come to a solution. I've tried talking to friends but the feedback I got was all the same thing that I've heard over and over again. As for now, besides answering questions they asked I don't think I have any topic to share with them. I'm not having hard feeling on them is just that I don't feel comfortable sharing my private stuffs with them anymore. Before this I'm so proud to tell everyone that I can share ALL my stuffs with my family but it turned out to be different now. I guess I'm so sick of getting analyzed and judged after I share what I thought is a happy thing to share.

I wish to tell them face to face that what happens nowadays are no longer the same as 20 years ago. The world is changing !! Or perhaps I AM changing! Seriously as I grow up, I felt that there are more and more doubts and dilemmas throwing towards me. Are all that challenges wish to test how flexible or patient am I? By the way I somehow feels bad when I have to answer NO if my mom is going to ask 'so did you miss me while I'm away ?'.. *ouch* I think it will hurts pretty much. Each week is killing me when I got to go back home and facing someone that I cared for but no longer can talk with...!

The other day A was asking did you feel lonely sometimes? I said OBVIOUSLY I do. My routine in hostel and home are just the same..In front of the monitor, attending classes, meals, and sleep. I wonder how much time I need so that I can be happy again. People usually will say 'YOU DECIDE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS' but am I capable of that? Everyday I wakes up and talk to the mirror saying 'BE HAPPY'. I think it helps somehow. I bet some of you may think only a fool do that ! Try it out when you're seriously unhappy and depressed. Who knows it will help a little?

P/s: I'm alright is just that I need a little more time to clear up my thoughts and be truly happy again. Sorry for acting like a 9 years old kid getting emotional at certain time. I don't meant to be in this way but something is just inevitable ! Have a good day everyone !